Relationships – Getting Your Needs Met – Coach Corey Wayne
I’m coach Roy Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter and the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be relationships getting your needs met I’ve got an email here from a viewer I’ve been coaching this guy I just a little bit about a little over a year he originally came to me when you decided to end his.
Loveless marriage of 20 years he has a couple of kids with her so at this point we’re about.
A year down the road he’s in a relationship with the kind of woman he’d always dreamed about but now they’re about eight months in and really start he’s starting to have a lot of challenges and difficulties with.
Her one of the problems is is that she’s not keeping up her commitments it’s almost as if she’s gotten kind of lazy and complacent the.
Relationship she says she’s gonna do certain things and she just doesn’t do it consistently it’s obviously starting to irritate the hell out of him and these are kind of the things that you see a little bit longer.
Term in a relationship kind of once you’ve gotten past the honeymoon phase you got out of the infatuation phase now he’s kind of starting to see what this person is really like in the relationship and what they’re gonna be like long-term and so I got a quote that I wrote on this topic and they were gonna go through his email and see what some of the challenges were the last video newsletter I did with him he basically wasn’t getting laid anymore she had just basically turned.
The relationship into a platonic friendship and I told him what he needed to do to turn things around now the sex has kind of gotten back on track but there’s still things.
Where she says yeah I’ll do this or I’ll do that and then she just doesn’t she totally falls through on it and.
Incidentally this particular woman she’s never had a relationship that lasted longer than six.
Months obviously that tends to be a red flag and you’re starting to kind of see some of the behaviors.
That she’s exhibiting eight months down the road I think she basically is her longest relationship at this point and it’s starting to become obvious and apparent why she’s never gotten past six.
Months with anybody so I’m gonna go through this quote that I wrote and then we’re gonna discuss an email and see what’s going on the quote says all of our relationships should contribute.
To our success balance inner peace happiness and fulfillment the best relationships honor and encourage our authentic selves our dreams and are generally a source of ease in the light when we have relationships with people who are not aligned with our true nature disconnected from their own hearts who don’t share the same goals and values or we have them with.
Give or love consistently in a healthy way.
They bring more drama in frustration into our lives than harmony and joy it’s not easy an effortless effortless you’re either doing it wrong.
Or doing it with the wrong people I saw a Twitter tweet from Deion Sanders his couple weeks ago and was interesting one of the things he said this it was basically along the lines of the people in.
Your life or the people that you’re having relationships with are there more pluses in the plus column or are there more minuses in the minus column as far as what they bring.
Into your life the idea is the purpose all relationships did you go there to give you’re there to meet each other’s needs to help each other grow and become more and if you’re in a relationship with somebody who just isn’t meeting your needs you’ve talked to them in a loving way and you’ve asked him to do certain things that are really important.
To you and they do it for a little bit and then they kind of go back to what they were doing before and eventually you’re gonna be.
Faced with the fact that this person is just not going to be consistent and how they show up and they’re not going to meet your needs consistently so choice becomes is that acceptable for you or are the standards of how they’re showing up.
Does that work for you and if the answer is no and obviously long-term it’s not a good idea to stay.
With them it when I look at all the.
Relationships that I have with people that have been in my life for multiple decades or people that I’m friends with it’s there really we communicate on the same level we understand each other we listen and we meet each other’s needs there’s no.
Disagreement butting heads and like when I look back on the course of my life not only with friends but business partners or lovers clients people that I just butt heads with all the time and I don’t and we don’t see eye to eye and it’s very difficult to communicate with them they’re not in my life anymore were people who were easy to get along with who were good listeners who were good communicators who prioritize.
Meeting the other people’s needs those people are still in my life of people that always butting heads with all the time it’s just eventually you’re tired of it because life’s difficult enough and you have enough challenges in life especially when you’re striving to achieve.
Your goals and dreams without having people in your life who instead of being a blessing and adding to your inner peace and the success that you have in your life and contributing in a way that brings more ease and more delight in.
Your life unless especially as you.
Get older you just it’s like why do I want.
Life who’s just bringing more friction than.
Anything I mean it’s common sense when you think about it but when it’s an intimate relationship and you’re just constantly dealing with friction and you’ve communicated in a loving way the other person and they might do it and do what you want for a period of.
Time but they still just always end up.
Going back to the way that they are either put up.
With it or you say fuck it they’re not adding enough value to my life in order to keep them.
Around they’re actually taking more energy away from my life than they are bringing good positive energy into it so let’s go through his email and see what’s going on so keep in mind this is.
After the last time she basically was not interested in sex and oh I’m just going through a phase kind of stuff and he.
Basically said hey I just now I signed up for I didn’t sign up for something platonic you basically took our passionate love affair and you’ve now turned into a friendship but I’m not interested in that so you need to start making an effort or maybe we needed eight other people and part of one of the things that he’s really been struggling to overcome is.
Really standing up for himself who he is what he wants but being able to do it in a loving balanced way instead of just you know blowing his top and this.
Guy actually he’s a psychologist he’s a therapist so this is what he does for a living and.
I really love coaching him because he’s a great listener because he all like what I’m telling him something he’s really paying attention to what I’m saying and so I know personally this guy is a really good listener but when you get into a relationship with somebody that like you know he and I have discussed many times in the past and email coaching and phone sessions he’s come to realize that his girlfriend even though he loves her he’s crazy about her she’s not.
Communicator plus the fact is the red flag.
Is there that she’s never had a relationship that’s lasted longer than six months what’s interesting is I think about months five four or five she’s kind of like well this is usually where the relationship starts to go downhill and interesting ly enough she’s emotionally conditioned to think and expect that and since.
She’s at that period of time she’s literally you get what you focus on in life so she’s focused on looking for reasons why the relationships not gonna work out you kind of see in that she’s starting.
To sabotage their relationship and make things really difficult for him he’s just kind of getting to the point.
Where he’s like I love this girl this she’s great in so many ways there’s like fucker you know I got a stressful business he’s going through a divorce he’s got his kids obviously you know one of his kids his daughter was not really happy about the fact that he’s not with her mother anymore and now he smoothed that over and instead of his new girlfriend bringing lots of fun and.
Sex and energy and all the things that he was missing in his previous relationship now she’s starting to bring more drama and.
Strife into the relationship and now he’s going this is shit.
Really worth it and so these are things that you’re gonna have to determine again you’re not get these are not things that you’re gonna experience the first few weeks of dating this is you know we’re eight months down the road here in the relationship and she’s obviously gotten comfortable and you really started to see who she really is is a person you starting to question do I.
Really want this long-term in my relationship or not so he says dear Cory it’s me again first some feedback to your last email regarding standing up for myself when it comes to sex after your email I contacted Jessica my new girlfriend immediately and told her I do not want to have a platonic relationship do whatever you want but figure it out she was pissed off quite.
Grouchy and felt pressured this continued for the next two to three days but as we had our next weekend together she first allowed me to touch her hotspots again and soon after that we started to have sex.